


Solas' Journal

by VintageSkies



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Ancient Elvhen, Arlathan, Diary, Diary/Journal, Dragon Age Inquisition, Fen'Harel - Freeform, First Person, Gen, Journal, POV Solas, Skyhold, Spoilers, Trespasser DLC, ancient elvish, dai spoilers, otp: ma vhenan, solas drabble, solas one shot, solas' journal, solas's journal, the dread wolf - Freeform, thoughts of the dread wolf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VintageSkies/pseuds/VintageSkies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have this headcanon where Solas keeps a journal full of random field notes, daily thoughts, etc., but everything is written in Ancient Elvish. My Lavellan, who drank from the Well of Sorrows, finds it amongst Solas’ things in the sanctuary. She turns it to a random page:</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Days Such as These

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon where Solas keeps a journal full of random field notes, daily thoughts, etc., but everything is written in Ancient Elvish. My Lavellan, who drank from the Well of Sorrows, finds it amongst Solas’ things in the sanctuary. She turns it to a random page:

Days such as these are arduous. She looks at me, violet eyes against a sea of white, and smiles. “Ma’arlath,” she says. “Ar lath ma, vhenan,” I reply, and I mean it. In that moment I wonder – would it truly be so horrible to tell her? Would she not accept me as I am? Perhaps. But I am undeserving of such kindness. I treat myself to these idle fancies – no, there is more to this than just that. She is more me than just that. And yet, I cannot bring myself to speak the truth. How many times have I sat beside her and felt the truth clawing its way up my throat? I want to let it out; it wants to be let out, but I cannot. After so many years of mistakes, I cannot afford another. _Ma serannas, vhenan. You deserve better_.


	2. The First Kiss

I should not have. By everything these hands have destroyed, I know I should not have. But I kissed her anyway. She kissed me, soft and sweet, her lips like a gentle breeze on a warm, spring day in Arlathan. Her eyes call to me, as clear as the crystal spires that decorated the trees. She turned away; she was going to leave, but I pulled her back. Ir isala ma, I thought. I _need_ you.


	3. Treachery

How long will this treachery last, for surely they cannot believe I have learned everything I know from The Fade? I do not mistake my pondering for desire, however, for never would I wish the truth be known, not here, and certainly not now. It is a burden only I must carry, and I must carry it alone. If such a world existed wherein the truth might be commonplace, ah, well, I do wish I live to see it. This “Herald,” though, she is the one to watch. Her eyes shine with a fire I have not seen since the last time I laid eyes upon an Eluvian before uthenera. If anyone can bring about such a world, it will be her.


	4. Lizards

Sera. I find it most intriguing how so many members of the Inquisition think I despise her. In truth, I do not despise her so much as ponder her complete disregard for Elvhen culture. I suppose it is not so unlike Varric’s disposition to the dwarves, although I pertain a deeper understanding of his reasons. Perhaps I will cultivate an understanding the longer we travel together. I do hope, however, for her sake, that she does not try to place any lizards in my bedroll. _Again_.


	5. Meeting at an Eluvian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A post-Trespasser entry.

I told myself, promised myself, I would not break. No matter what comes, I must hold fast. I do this not for myself, but for my people. They need me. I walk the Din’anshiral, and I walk it alone. I felt my strength waver in her presence. What if I did not walk alone? How easily she makes me ask such a traitorous question. I see it in her eyes – she would die for me. This is why I cannot allow her to join me. I alone must carry this burden; I alone must suffer.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas' reaction to the shattering of his orb after the battle with Corypheus.

I watched the world shatter with the orb. Years of power, gone in an instant. Another mistake I claim as my own. A fingerprint erased from time; a bright star sputtered out, its darkness threatening to consume us all. I know what it means, what I must do. She stands over me, apologizes. “I’m sorry,” she says. It is not your fault. It is mine. Forgive me, old friend. I know what I must do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally "she" was supposed to be the Inquisitor, but I like how it has a double meaning - both the Inquisitor and Flemeth/Mythal.


End file.
